Is this a microchip off the old block situation?
You know all those Covid-19 vaccine microchip conspiracy theories that have been spreading since last year? The ones claiming that vaccinations are actually injecting tiny devices that will allow everyone to be tracked? Well, such theories have since spawned a whole new phenomenon that seems to be going a bit viral itself: jokes about vaccine microchips. Yes, when those go-to “knock knock” jokes don’t seem to be working anymore on a date or at a party, there’s a whole new category of one-liners that you can now “inject” into your conversations, so to speak.
The Covid-19 vaccine microchip conspiracy theories began emerging last year even before the vaccines became available. The theories maintained that vaccination was just an excuse to inject some type of microchip into you that could then allow someone to track you and your behaviors. For example, such claims appeared in the conspiracy theory-loaded “Planet Lockdown” video, which I previously covered for Forbes. And, as described by the Associated Press, Sandoval Iñiguez, an emeritus archbishop of the archdiocese of Guadalajara, had posted a video on Facebook in which he spoke of “the chip that they are planning to put in the vaccine to control you, it is the mark of the beast.” Of course, it is ironic that he posted the video on Facebook, one thing that is definitely tracking you.
Then there are those who have suggested that billionaire Bill Gates is the mastermind behind the whole tracking microchip thing. Just take a look at the following exchange:
How did Gates get embroiled in such a conspiracy theory? As described by Jack Goodman and Flora Carmichael for the BBC, the rumors began after Gates had said before the pandemic that eventually “we will have some digital certificates” to track who has received different vaccines. He didn’t mention microchips or tracking other behaviors at all but this somehow was eventually twisted into the “Bill Gates using vaccines to implant microchips” conspiracy theory. Isn’t this a bit like claiming that whenever your use the words “squirrel” and “nuts” in the same sentence, you must be referring to squirrel genitals?
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Gates is not the only person implicated by such conspiracy theories. Some have claimed that the government, the Deep State, Anthony Fauci, George Soros, or a host of other people are involved. While the existing microchip conspiracy theories have varied somewhat, there has been one consistent theme: the general shortage of real scientific evidence to support such claims. Because, these days, who needs to actually back up what you have to say, right? Hasn’t “fake it until you make it” become a driving principle for so many?
Nevertheless, these microchip conspiracy theories have become so pervasive that public health officials have actually had to make announcements like the following:
Yes, it’s gotten so bad that the Rhode Island Department of Health actually had to tell everyone, “despite what you may have heard, Covid-19 vaccines will not change your personality, make you grow a third eye, or alter your DNA. They are definitely microchip free.” All of this has made it even more difficult to respond appropriately to the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic and probably has allowed the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV2) to do even more damage.
Well, you know the saying: when life gives you lemons, make lemon cheesecake. People have managed to turn these microchip conspiracy theory frowns upside down. “Going to get my microchip” has become a common way of jokingly saying that you are getting the Covid-19 vaccine. If you use this line though, you may want to conclude it with “just joking” or precede it with “I am about to make a joke,” since not everyone may realize that it is indeed a joke. For example, when actor French Stewart tweeted about the microchip messing with his reception, here is the reception that he received:
Presumably, Stewart was joking about the microchip. Either way, don’t expect your body to pick up WiFi, interfere with your other devices, or start chatting with Siri. Similarly, don’t expect to hear sounds of the Windows operating system booting up after you get the Covid-19 vaccine:
Nah, chances are you’ll wake up to the same old sounds that you are used to, such as an alarm clock, your pillow singing, “stay with me,” and perhaps a fart.
And there’s no truth to the rumors that the microchip will give you special powers:
Or that there is even a tracking microchip in the Covid-19 vaccines. After all, has anyone ever found such a microchip in any of the vaccines? And what exactly would the purpose of such tracking devices be, besides serving some cheesy purpose:
Remember tracking you is something that companies have already been doing through the various devices and platforms that you continue to use every day:
Who knows how long this run of Covid-19 vaccine microchip one-liners and two-liners will go. Will it become part of standard excuses as in “oh, I didn’t say or do that, it was actually my microchip” or “I’m sorry that you were offended by what my microchip made me do?” And will it be integrated into dating lexicon like “my microchip tells me that your microchip is the one” or “it’s not you, it’s not me, it’s the microchip” or “is that your microchip or are you happy to see me?” Perhaps only your microchips will really know.