December 8, 2021

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An Impassioned Case for Buying a Sex Blanket

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A dedicated sex blanket makes sense when you consider that, depending on how exactly you do it, sex can involve such things as semen, vaginal fluids, sweat, lube, wax, spilled champagne, maybe some cake frosting (I don’t judge)—and who knows what else. Reveling in the slipperiness is fun in the moment; less so when you survey the damage to your très cher long staple, high thread count sheets. How to reconcile the adult need for legitimate, high-quality bedding and the lust for messy, messy sex? Thankfully, we have the sex blanket.

Liberator Decor Fascinator Throw Merlot Microvelvet Blanket

$120

Amazon

The Liberator Fascinator Throw comes in five colors and two sizes, and manages to look so classy you’d never know it was built for being humped on. I own it in “Velvish Merlot,” and keep it tucked on the edge of my bed—before sex, my partner and I just yank it up on top of the covers. The exterior feels like velvet and looks like a sumptuous luxe throw, but inside is a water-resistant core. Admittedly, when you crinkle it up, that core sounds a little bit diaper-like, but this is a small price to pay for the ability to douse the Fascinator throw in all manner of sex effluvia knowing that none of it will seep through. Imagine, after you’ve both collapsed in glory, yanking the blanket off the bed with a magician’s flourish before crawling into crisp, dry sheets and passing out. The blanket is machine washable, ten thousand percent more mature than using a mildly damp towel for period sex, and packs nicely if you’re the kind of person who thrills to the danger of sex at the in-law’s house or you’re the only person in the world who respects the linens on hotel beds. 

If you’re a sexual nomad, know that Liberator has crafted sex pillows, blankets, and even furniture from their magical fabric, allowing you to sex-proof most of your house. My partner and I have the what is essentially, a chaise lounge designed for the sole purpose of making sweet love—it’s a high-key take on one of the best sex toys for couples

5 More Accessories We Love for Messy Sex 

The Best Sheet Set for Sex  

Liberator velvet sheets and pillowcases

$275

Liberator

If you’re ready to go even beyond the sex blanket lifestyle, try Liberator’s sheet set. The smooth polyester liquid-velvet is both chic and has an impermeable moisture barrier strong enough to handle any sex juices. It’s machine washable, comes in a variety of colors ranging from cyan to rose. 

The Best Body Wipes 

Royal Body Wipes

Messy sex is great, but there are other things to consider than ruining sheets. We all pee, and that means that we all have urinary tracts, which means that we’re all susceptible to urinary tract infections. It’s much better to have wipes on hand to clean up right after sex than to let germs fester in your pee hole. Body wipes are also extremely handy during group sex or anal play, when you want to reduce cross-contaimiaton as much as possible.

Make Some Sex Art? 

Organic Loven Love is Art kit

$72

Organic Loven

Before you think about cleaning up messy sex, let’s get dirty. The Organic Loven Love Is Art Kit, founded by South African-born artist, Jeremy Brown, allows couples to turn their sex into art. Simple roll out the Dexter-style plastic tarp (but for porking, not killing), lay out the canvas, pop open some paint, and get it on. The kit even comes with slippers to put on as you make your way to the shower once your masterpiece is complete. Then, once dry, you can stretch the canvas, frame it, and hang it up in your home. When visiting relatives ask about it simply say “it’s abstract” in a superior tone and they’ll shut up.

The Best Sex Toy Cleaner 

Jimmyjane UV sanitizing mood light

$240

Jimmyjane

Remember you don’t need a third person to have a threesome—a sex toy will do. But, unfortunately, even vibrators can harbor bacteria and should be washed regularly. So what’s more glamorous than scrubbing down a sex toy with a bar of soap? Well, placing it in a pod that sanitizes the toy in 10 minutes using UV light. Plus, it not only cleans and charges the sex toy, but acts as a mood light, filling your bedroom with pink and blue hues. The sleek and modern design blends in with bedside decor. Everyone will just think it’s an alarm clark or lamp. 

A Very Sexy Massage Candle

Upco low-temperature wax candle

It’s true. A candle-lit room really does make panties wet. This elegant candle is inspired by Prometheus, of Greeek mythology, who stole fire from the gods to give it to mortals. Not only will it set the mood, but you can explore wax play safely and without stains. Regular candle wax can burn (and not in a good way) and is almost impossible to remove. The low-temperature candle will still feed your kinks as it drips over your lover’s nipples, but they’ll moan rather than scream for help. 


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